


Nearly, Almost, Maybe There

by willswheelsonthebus



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boris Pavlikovsky loves Theo Decker, Fixing things, Las Vegas Era, M/M, Making Out, Sad theo, Theo Decker loves Boris Pavlikovsky, boris kisses other girls and boys, but then he remembers he's in love with a very jealous repressed gay, drugs?? it's just pot though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25340605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willswheelsonthebus/pseuds/willswheelsonthebus
Summary: Boris and Theo are known as a packaged deal. It's just how it goes. If you want one, you have to put up with the other too. Most people just accept that as a fact and don't like to look too deep into the reasons why that might be. If they did look deeper though, they might just see that Theo's a mess and Boris is about one step away from breaking.
Relationships: Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 1
Kudos: 88





	Nearly, Almost, Maybe There

**Author's Note:**

> I just had this idea floating in the old noodle, so I hope you like it!! Happy reading :D

Boris was laid out on the bed, his hair fanning out around him almost like a halo. The other teens that had decided to join him (and by default, that meant joining Theo too) were sitting around him and passing the joint amongst each other. There were two girls and two boys, other than Boris and Theo. They didn't know any of them, really, but Boris had spoken to one of the girls before in school and was sure he'd seen one of the boys around the party scene. His foot was beside Theo's leg and every now and then, he would take it and bump it against the other boy, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Theo but none of the others paid any mind to. They were off their heads from pot and whatever alcohol could be scrounged together for the event. 

About halfway down to the nub of the joint, the guy holding it passed it off to the girl beside him and locked eyes on Boris. He had been making eyes all night and now that everyone was loose enough, it seemed that no one much minded it. Boris had to look up at him from upside down since he was still lying on his back.

And then the kissing started. It was a small, unhurried touch of lips. After a few seconds, they parted and the boy's eyes drooped then moved over to the girl at his side. He grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her in, the girl's eyes closing as she pressed a hand to his cheek. They knew each other, these two. Boris could tell from the way they touched, kissed, and loved one another. When they were done, the girl crawled closer to Boris and in an almost shy way, raised her brow at him, as if to ask, "Is this really okay?". Boris answered by pulling her into a languid kiss. Her hands were on his shoulders, squeezing and then the moment was over and she was pulling back, a faint blush dusting across her face. Boris smirked. The girl beside him turned to the rosy girl and brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. She then planted a small kiss right above her cheek before moving onto her lips and softly, they began to kiss in earnest. Boris thought they looked beautiful, all of these people looked so beautiful to him, but in his cloudy haze he wondered, he must be forgetting something, something very dear and important to him. He just couldn't recall right now, he thought as the girl turned her sights on him. Her lips were soft and gentle. His brows crinkled, his memory going to chapped lips, hands everywhere. They could be gentle one minute, then rough and hard the next. What was he forgetting. Somehow while he was in his thoughts, he had ended up with the other guy's mouth on him. What was he forgetting? He knew it was important. It meant everything to him, in fact. He was sure of it. The guy's hands went to his hips and his eyes shot open. Theo!

"G-get off me." Boris's hand shook as he pushed the boy away. He looked surprised, but complied nonetheless.

"Where's Theo?!" He barked and everyone looked around the room, then back at him like he was insane or something.

"Who?" One of the girl's asked, a bit hesitantly.

"My-"He paused. Theo was..."My friend, you asses!" He picked himself off the bed, the room suddenly spinning a bit. He was coming down, hard and he had to find Theo, to explain himself. "He was just here." Hearing the defeat in his own voice gave him very little hope that these strangers could help him.

Just as he was heading towards the door, the first guy called to him. "Hey, wait! Your friend, he left like half an hour ago, dude. He might still be around here, though." Boris cursed under his breath in Russian and ran through the door, not bothering to close it back.

It took him nearly fifteen minutes to check the whole house for Theo, but there wasn't a sign of him anywhere and no one seemed to take notice of the kid with Harry Potter glasses, so he felt completely at a loss. Just when he was thinking of calling it quits here and heading to Theo's house, he got an idea. Why not think like Potter and I do? This led him on another search through the house and the yard. Private places, secluded places, places that would be good for two people that just wanted to be alone together. This is how finally, finally he found exactly who he had been looking for for the past hour. He had gone into a section of the house that was clearly marked 'NO PARTY GUESTS', though Boris doubted that would stop some people.

Entering through a door on the right, Boris shut the door and when he turned around, there he was. It was like something out of a stupid romance novel or movie, except that maybe Boris understood now why people watched and read those things because his heart felt like it could almost burst, seeing the only person he wanted to in that moment, safe. But Theo didn't look happy to see him at all. He looked pretty pissed (and also hurt). His eyes were red rimmed and his glasses were off, sitting beside him on the bed.

"Potter-" Theo made a noise in the back of his throat, not ready to hear whatever bs excuse Boris was about to make up. Besides, it's not like he owed him anything. I mean, what were they to each other anyway, just friends right?

"I am sorry-"

"Save it, Boris. It doesn't matter anyway." He took his arm, using it to wipe away a stray tear and hoping that Boris didn't catch it.

Boris walked further into the room until he was standing in front of Theo. He knelt down and tentatively put his head on one of Theo's knees, resting his arms on both of his legs. "Прости меня, моя любовь ( _Forgive me, my love_ )."

Theo sighed. "You know I can't understand you." His hand ran through Boris's hair, Theo not even aware he was doing it, the touch such a commonplace thing for them.

"Should I spell out for you?" Boris remarks and gets on his knees in front of the other boy. "I know I did wrong because I hurt you and hurting you hurts me too, yeah?" Theo nodded slightly and Boris continued. "But I did not think, because you... You never want to touch unless you are stoned beyond belief or drunk off ass." Theo looks at him in surprise. Is he really talking about this now? They never talk about what they have, they just do and it's been like that from the beginning. Theo's not sure he's ready for whatever Boris seems bound and determined to discuss tonight.

"You only let me touch you when you have excuse to 'forget about it' next day. Only let me hold you when you are screaming from nightmares? I want more, Potter." The look on Boris's face is so sincere, it hurts Theo's heart. "I need more. Don't get it wrong! Will take what I can get, but-" Boris shrugs here.

"If you never let me love you, then how can I? I want to, so bad. Is truth, Potter. Please don't hate me." Theo is looking at Boris like he's seeing him for the first time. He's confused and, he doesn't know if he can let himself go. It's hard.

"Boris, I don't hate you. You're my best friend, I-. If you really feel that way, then why Kotku? You were having a pretty good time earlier with your orgy buddies!"

"Was no orgy! I swear it, just kissing, Potter, just small kisses." Boris grabbed Theo's hand, desperately trying to make him understand. 

"Really?" He wanted to believe, but it was difficult for him to get past.

"Y-yes! As soon as I knew you were gone, I left them. Did not care, only about you. Only you." Theo's cheeks reddened at Boris's attentive gestures and words.  
"Why were you even with them in the first place, then?" Theo's tone, while still jealous, was also genuinely curious. 

Boris looked down and when he looked back up, there was shame in his eyes. "Was high so seemed like good idea. Thought, 'maybe Potter will be jealous. He will grab me and take me somewhere and uh-, well, you probably know the rest." Boris smiled, that mischievous glint still in his eyes. Theo definitely knew where his mind was going with that scenario and it made him squirm a bit. 

Boris's voice broke through his thoughts though, and the next words were ones he'd been secretly wanting to hear for months. "I date Kotku too because she takes mind off you. Maybe makes you jealous is my hope. I'm a selfish guy, I know it. I'm sorry Potter, for hurting you." Boris brushed his hand along Theo's jaw and then over his cheek bone, brushing away a stray tear that had fallen.

Theo sniffled, once. "T-tell me how sorry you are."

Boris quirked a brow, but began to as Theo placed his arms around Boris's neck. "Real sorry, Potter. More than I can say in stupid language, even! Want to make it up to you. I want you happy."

Theo took a breath. "Then make it up to me." He made it sound like he was daring him to, but his hands still shook when they pulled Boris up to meet him, and then their lips were crashing together in a sloppy, hurried kiss. It was like all the feeling inside them was so built up that it came exploding out of them, lips colliding frantically. Boris pushed up off the floor, wrapping an arm around Theo's back and started laying him back on the bed, the two backing up until they reached the pillows.

Boris moved his way down to Theo's neck, kissing and sucking on the soft skin there, making Theo moan. The boy's face was flushed, eyes faintly glowing from the light of the lamp. He was embarrassed, hearing his own noises pour out of him, too sober to be entirely comfortable with himself. When he felt a particularly loud grunt working its way out of his mouth at Boris's tongue against his ear, he went to move his arm over his lips. Boris would have none of it though. Seeing Potter's movements, he grabbed that hand, pulling it above his head.

"Safe with me, Potter. You have no reason to fear." He was sitting up now, legs in between Theo's own. "Just me, right?" He was nodding and this made Theo nod along and let out a breath. Of course he was right. He'd never felt safer than when he was in Boris's presence, in Boris's arms. "Yeah, just us, моя кровь ( _my blood_ )." Boris leaned down and kissed the side of Theo's head, stroking the hair off his forehead. 

This time, Theo leaned up to kiss Boris and there was little hesitance even though they both knew the dangers of anyone just walking in, somehow it didn't seem like anything could touch them in that moment. Boris bent down to meet his kisses and Theo hooked his legs around him, desperate to get as close as he could to the other boy. They rocked together and boris's hands slid under Theo's shirt, caressing the skin around his waist and stomach, stroking in smooth, soft motions. This was almost too much for Theo, who was used to crashing together, finding solace in seeking pleasure by taking it, but now, now Boris was only trying to make him feel good. He was tender and loving and Theo didn't know if he could take it. It felt like he might wake up and it would all have turned out to be a dream, or some drug-induced fantasy his mind conjured up.

"No dream, Potter. I'm here, You are here, ey? We just feel what we want and let pleasure and love take over, okay?"

Apparently Theo had spoken his musings out loud then, but with an answer like that, he had to grin. Leaning up, he kissed the edge of Boris's mouth and then leaned into his ear, whispering what was essentially, "Подонок, Я люблю тебя ( _Fucker, I love you_ )." Boris smiled in surprise, his eyes lighting up and he held Theo closer to him. It didn't matter that the words were a little mixed up and he couldn't say them properly because he had learned them for Boris. No one had ever done something so meaningful and so beautiful for him, ever that he could recall. 

"тоже ( _Me too_ )." He laid beside Theo so they could hold each other and Boris looked into Theo's eyes. "I love you, too." And Theo and Boris were content to just lie there holding hands and talking, exchanging kisses and laughing at nothing in between. They were just happy, really happy, and it was good.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this, I hope you liked it! Kudos and comments are always welcome! Follow my tumblr at willswheelsonthebus if you want more stuff like this!


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